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PillsHere's a pill for my broken heart,
A pill for my body parts,
I can never again call holy.
One for each day where I slowly,
Die again, again, and again.
A few more for each jail visit,
A handful as an alternative for the razors that used to sit,
On my wrist.
Half a bottle for all of the lies.
A bit more just so I can get by.
The rest for all of the tears and blood shed.
Oops, I'm dead.
Darkest Nights"Darkest Nights"
I'm looking out the window
Through the blinds and the shades
Waiting patiently for your return
But you won't be coming home today
Meanwhile these shadows
Continue haunting me
They've tried to snatch my soul
And bury it in the deep
Because the sun has gone down
This room has grown black
But it seems darker than normal
I want the light to come back
In fact this room is so dark
My body is starting to tremble
The shadows are reaching out
My nerves may disassemble
The absence of light
Enhances the echos of sound
I'm finding strength in silence
As I sink into the ground
So instead I close my eyes
Pretending I'm not here
The DarknessThe darkness grabs,
it holds on tight.
I try to evade,
but I can't find the light.
Let me go!
I want to live,
but it does not tire.
It does not give.
I'm fading away,
can't find myself.
But no one hears my cry.
The darkness smiles in glee.
As I've lost myself all together.
I will never be free.
I'm OkayMy tears are flowing onto your heart
But you don't have a heart
So you can't feel them
Of course I'm okay.
Of course, because I smile every minute you face me
Of course, because you never see me cry
But I see you
You say I'm the happiest person in the world
Because I smile more than you do
You say you are jealous
Because I am happier than you are
So much happier
Because I'm okay
And while you cry for the thing you don't have
I try to comfort you
But the thing that I had you already took from me
But I'm always okay
Willing to be your punching bag
The backup disk
The tissue you use and throw away and forget about.
Maybe your cold froze over your heart.
RazorSweet little friend,
You are the only one that
Truly understands me.
The only one that
Holds my hand
When I am
The one that listens
When I am upset.
The only one that
Hears me crying.
The one that counsels
Me how to cope with life.
And you're hungry
For more blood.
You are jumping and
Ready to be fed.
You love the softness of
My skin, and you promise to
Be gentle when you break
Through the vein.
But you're not strong enough.
You aren't sharp and bold
Like the others.
You're such a frail creature
And now it's your turn
To be disposed.
In the trash,
Where you always belonged.
Demon's RunLying there, eyes shut tight.
twisting , turning.
Audible sighs. Stifled moans.
Restless, tossing, turning.
Sheets stained with sweat.
Not dark enough
Too many shadows.
Wondering mind conjures images.
Dying, hurting in every scene.
Eyes run, head aches.
God of SuicideGod of Suicide:
You have trapped me in a nightmare,
Which there is no allowance for awake.
But it all turns out to be fair,
Due to all nails and a stake,
I've managed to receive.
Each thud of the hammer and each gash tells a different story.
I will just lay here and prepare my casket.
All of the lies and secrets stored in the closet,
Will come flying out and maybe my followers will find where to fit,
After years of hiding,
And secretly dying.
Death is the beautiful obscure truth,
And life is just the the hideous lie.
These darkened dreams you call sick sooth,
Us and is how we get by.
I will just lay here and prepare my casket.
All of the lie
Are you blind?Are you blind to my misery,
Or do you choose not to look?
I want to share my story,
But you close me like a book.
I'm screaming as I cry,
But you refuse to hear.
Look away as I die,
Ignore each little tear.
Am I not loud enough?
Is that why you ignore my scream?
My life is tough,
Help me escape this bad dream.
I scream a bit higher.
Please, I need your help!
My circumstances are dire.
I'm losing myself.
But you do not help me,
And I've decided to give up.
Maybe then you'll see.
Ha! That's just my luck.
Pain In The Eyes Of The BeholderThe best thing about a scar
Is that it shows the pain is over,
The wound is healed.
It shows that I've stopped drinking,
Now I'm sober.
It shows, that for now I'm happy with the people I love,
And have put away the knife.
That their happiness is placed first,
I won't take my life tonight.
Then why to everyone else a scar is a sin?
A sign of illness?
Of giving in?
That it makes me a freak?
That it makes me dissapointing?
That it makes me weak?
You say because of this, everything will get worse.
What have i got to lose.
You say this is poisoning me, to get rid of this curse
You don't even know the half of it.
If you know nothing, you are in
Lost SoulsFor some sorrow is not just an event
It is a place they spend their entire lives
Tears and loneliness their endless lament
In a darkness where their agony thrives
Walking their tormented path of pain
Their eyes are empty, their voices hushed
Continuing onward with nothing to gain
Souls too twisted and hopelessly crushed
Unreachable now because they are lost
Ghostly shells that creep along the night
For them this is what living has cost
Drained of hope there is no reason to fight
Tragedy to TriumphWith ice in her veins
And a heart as dark as a moonless night
Her soul bound by chains
Her mind wants to give up this eternal fight
She's lost and alone
In a world she doesn't belong
Suffering is all she's ever known
She's lost her will to be strong
She sees through the eyes of tragedy
And hears only what her mind wants to say
She feels nothing but apathy
Even in her dreams she's gone astray
This was me
But a year ago
I finally know
I've learned through trials and woe
That this life is for living
To embrace it and grow
Through letting go and forgiving
Everyday is a new start
I've got nothing to lose
If I listen to my hear
Broken LoveFractured fingers of splintered ice
Through the heart do swiftly slice
Like shards of sharp broken glass
Easily frozen if you do it fast
Tears are only but salty water
Leading you to bloody slaughter
So quickly now, before you bleed
Give up this stupid childish need
Love is nothing but a dream
It shall only make you scream
So give it up and toss it far away
There’s nothing but pain if you go that way
So run, hide quickly in sanity’s hills
For some love does not save, it only kills
SuicideLet me cry,
let me simply sit and die.
Don't treat me for my apathy,
don't treat me with your sympathy.
I don't deserve to gain,
I don't deserve to have no pain.
All I need is here,
all I need is cried in tears.
I want to cut much too close,
I want to have an overdose.
For every lie,
for every time I've said goodbye.
There's not a key,
there's not a way to set me free.
They wonder if I'm sane,
they wonder if it's all in vain.
Judge my fear,
judge my every blood-stained smear.
It really is morose,
it really is considered pretty gross.
I promise I won't sigh,
I promise I won't ask anyone why.
There's plenty I can't ever be,
there's plenty no one else can see.
I'll leave a stain,
I'll leave a horrid image in your brain.
My mind is clear,
my mind knows what to do from here.
Nothing left to diagnose,
nothing left but to say adios.
Buried AliveGo ahead,
Bury me alive,
I know you want to see
How long I survive.
Dig me back up,
When the act is done,
See my blue face,
My swollen eyes and tongue.
Laugh at my fate,
How well you did your job,
I just want to say congratulations;
I suffered for so long.
I know you cannot help it,
That cruel smile on your face,
The acts that you commit,
Condemning people to my same fate.
I guess I let you do it,
Watched the dirt fall on my face,
Let you bury me so you could see
Just how long I would survive.
FeedingYou think I'm messed up?
You think I'm cruel?
Why don't you get a mirror
And look at you.
Don't blame this all on me,
Don't say I never tried,
All I ever wanted
was you in my life.
Now I see the problem,
The wrong that I have done,
How could I be so stupid?
Now you have won.
I fed myself happy,
I fed myself lies,
Binged on false contentment,
That everything was alright.
Now that I am starved,
I see the lies they were,
Feeding on nothing,
But breaded hate and hurt.
NeverW're always talking about the furture and the things we're going to do,
About doing crazy things and all the trouble we'll get into.
Of all the wierd things that'll happen to us,
Of all the memories that will never get left in the dust.
But it almost hurst to think that those times will never come
Almost, but all this has left me numb.
All the things I'll never have done,
And I'll never wake to see the sun.
All the loving people I'll never meet,
I'll never taste that love so sweet.
All the things I'll never have seen,
And I'll never get the chance to be me.
It was more than I could take,
But is this really an escape?
To me, it's not th
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More