Sta.sh
Past the point of no return is
Being shocked when your scars fade away,
And jump at the chance to replace them,
At the chance to watch the blood drip fast onto the sheets
At the chance of the holding the relief of the knife handle.
Past the point of no return is
Drinking to the bottom of the bottle,
Of London Dry Gin,
And not realizing it until you finish,
Not realizing it until you cough up blood,
Not realizing it until you're over the sink throwing up.
Past the point of no return is
Pouring out more pills than you know you can take,
And swallowing them by the handful,
Swallowing them and sitting there still in pure agony,
Swallowing them until you collapse on the bathroom floor.
Past the point of no return is
Standing on the roof with one foot off the edge,
And telling yourself to wait until the time is right,
Telling yourself you deserve this,
Telling yourself it only hurts once.
Past the point of no return is
Scratching 'I'm sorry' into a bullet,
And loading them in,
Loading them and holding the gun to your head,
Loading them, counting to three, and pulling the trigger.
Past the point of no return is
Waiting for them to hit you again,
And not flinching or shying away when they do,
Not flinching because you're used to it,
Not flinching because you know they'll hit you harder.
Past the point of no return is
Staying up all night talking with friends you wish were there,
And having full on conversations with them when you look in the mirror,
Having full on conversations of love and death,
Having full on conversations of breaking the glass and splitting your veins.
Past the point of no return is not when you walk so far that you can't look back, go back, or ever think about your past. It is not talking yourself into something stupid because everyone else does it. It is not to be famous, to be noticed, or to get attention. It is where you go when you are pushed.
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